What could it all mean?

Not that I am the first to remark on this subject (see this), but I find some of the subject lines that I receive in my spam folder poetic or at the very least odd. I don't mean to sound like I think my computer is talking to me or anything, but what could this mean?

rather straightforward eyes blazed. We would

Or how about this one

decaffeinate bloop

Feel free to interpret.

Wait a minute, don't you have two kids?

I know, I know. I haven’t really said too much about Renée lately. Don’t worry, she’s still here. I didn’t send her away somewhere to grow up on her own while I go to fancy parties with all of my rich friends. (What? You’ve never watched this soap before? Nobody seems to notice when their children are completely gone for two or three years, and then all of a sudden they show up after all of that time without any parent supervision or interaction and magically they are eighteen. Man, the Horton’s can get away with anything.) No, Renée is still here. It’s just that I wonder how interesting you will all find her “baby” stories. I mean, I could tell you that she is starting to become a horrible sleeper. Or that she is trying really hard to turn over and hold her head up (although she is still ultimately unsuccessful). I suppose I could talk about how she actually laughed the other day. Or how she is learning how to grab things. I could write about all of these things, but it somehow gets eclipsed if you know what I mean. And I know, all of you second and third children out there are clicking your tongues, reprimanding me for celebrating Joseph’s simple milestones and then ignoring them with Renée. But honestly, it’s not like that. They are all written down just as diligently and with equal excitement as they were the first time around. I just need to share more here, with you (and to be fair, I didn’t have this blog when Joseph was her age). I will try harder.

But, come on, you have to admit that you want to hear about how Joseph (who is in a “I like pirates” phase) woke up the other day, reached up to give me a hug, and said, “Mommy loves this pirate.”

Excuse me, but you want me to do what?

The other day, Joseph was running around the house without a diaper on. Although very fun for him, this is nerve-racking for me because the kid is nowhere near being potty trained yet (When we first brought home his “little potty” he had fun climbing in it. Now, he prefers to pretend to empty the little bowl). Because I don’t want to be cleaning up stuff that really shouldn’t be on the floor, I tried to explain (again) how the whole potty thing works.

“Joseph, if you have to pee or poop (Yes, I say pee and poop now. Whatever, let’s move on.) go in the bathroom and use your potty.” And then, becoming concerned that he wouldn’t make it all the way to the bathroom, I added, “If you have to poop, try to hold it until you get into the bathroom so you can use your potty.”

Horrified, Joseph looked at me, and then slowly looked at his hands. He went back to playing, hoping the crazy lady would go away.

Does it get any better than this? I don't think so.

Me (pointing at a picture of an elephant in a book): Joseph, do you remember what these are called?

Joseph: Those are tusks.

Me (surprised): Yes, those are tusks.

Joseph: And that is a trunk, and that is a trunk (pointing to two separate elephants). That trunk is closed (pointing to a trunk that was kind of rolled up), and that trunk is open.

Me: I guess you could say that. Does Joseph have a trunk?

Joseph: Nope. (Then after thinking for a minute) Joseph's trunk is on the car, in the Civic.

Chicken soup for the SAHM soul

All the talk about chicken soup compels me to tell you all how absolutely spoiled I am. Tony made chicken soup (and I'm not talking about opening up some little can-- it's the real deal with leftover chicken from a separate dinner that he also made). I had some for lunch two days in a row, and I have to say that I am feeling better. The fever, chills, and aches are gone. However the cough and sore throat are still here. I'm afraid they may be around for a while. Let's all hope now that Renée doesn't get this.

sick sick sick

I haven't been sick like this since, well, I can't remember when. Fever. Cough. Chills. Hurting all over. Stuffed nose. I want it to be done.

Joseph on crying:

The other day Renée started wimpering because she wanted to get out of her bouncy chair. Joseph tried to calm her by putting his face approximately three centimeters from hers and screaming, "HI RENÉE" as loudly as possible. When he could clearly see that his technique was not working, he looked at me and said, "Turn it off."

Trust me, kid. I know what you mean.